Press Release: Discovery of the Snackyon

Breaking news from Pennswald Labs, where history is made tomorrow by creating the future yesterday.

Our team of dedicated researchers has discovered the elementary particle of fast food. Dubbed the "snackyon", this particle always travels faster than light (but slower than heavy). This property of the snackyon accounts for several observed results in its interactions with human body tissues:

• A snackyon is absorbed so quickly that it adds mass to several areas of the body simultaneously. This results in disproportionate weight gain in comparison to the actual number of snackyons consumed.
• The snackyon's quick absorption rate increases the appetite for more snackyons. Snackyons leave the digestive tract so quickly that the body's normal satitation mechanisms aren't triggered.
• The snackyon can actually be absorbed by the body prior to the consumption of snackyon-laden foods. Simply looking at (or smelling) snackyon-laden foods may result in weight gain. (c.f. I. Asimov, "The Endochronic Properties of Resublimated Thiotimoline", 1948.) 

In summary, the snackyon is the particle that makes fast food fast.

Recently Read: Unspoken Truth

In the new Star Trek novel Unspoken Truth, there is a wonderful little nod to Galaxy Quest. In chapter 17 (p. 333) we read:

"That didn't take long," she remarked, stepping daintily over a Thermian's tentacles and settling in beside Mikal, elbows on the bar. "Single malt, neat," she told the bartender. "Jameson, if you've got it."

Aside from Mironova's good taste in beverages, this little gem stood out in my mind because it is, AFAIK, the first appearance of Galaxy Quest characters in Star Trek licensed media.

[In case I have to spell it out for you, at the Galaxy Quest convention, Malthesar approaches Jason Nesmith saying, "We are Thermians from the Klaatu Nebula. We need your help." When Jason's co-stars transport to the space dock, the Thermians who greet them have forgotten to activate their appearance generators and are shown as to be squid-like creatures with tentacles.]

Stupid Corporate Websites

For a lark, I decided to head over to DEWmocracy.com to vote on the new Moutain Dew flavor. And I can't. Why? Because the stupid corporate website (which is Flash "disabled"--but that's yet another rant) doesn't work. There's no entry field for birthdate and the submit button fails.

Obviously, no one tested this site. At least not completely. Maybe they tested their "connect via Facebook" option. I wouldn't know because I won't do Facebook.

The world wide web became a publicly available resource in 1991; the dot com boom has gone bust. It's about time that corporate web designers do basic sanity tests on their websites.

Ah who am I kidding? Websites are seen as part of a company's marketing presence. Which means corporate websites are all about image, not substance. Who cares if it works as long as it looks good.

Feh.